the humanity of it all

Part of the vanity of the human race is that many of us believe that we are destined for greatness. We are, for the most part, willing to allow hard work to etch it’s way onto our blue print, but generally we intend on being extraordinary, and doing it fast. In order to be impressive we also have to be able to verbalize what our future will be in a concise amount of time. Detailing each step only briefly, and choosing words to accentuate the true rarity that we are. “Yeah, I’m going to pilot school. I should be out in like, two years. Then my uncle is going to have me be his right hand man over at this airport in Japan. He said I should be my own boss in like five years.” The arrogance goes unnoticed by us. Mainly because our story is probably more fanciful. All of eastern Asia. We have two uncles. It should take us three years.
I believe that God has planned something unique for me. I don’t know that it will be big. I’m not even sure that it will be noticed. But I know that He has chosen to do something, possibly small, through me.I know this because of the occurrence of rapid spiritual “tests” I received shortly after being saved. The catalyst for bedlam through test and trials, began my first week as the newly appointed student intern at a church. I was 19, and had received Christ 14 months prior and was still raw to the things of God. I was figuring out programs on my computer when a call from a familiar number popped up on my cell phone. The caller was a student. The son of faithful members of the congregation, who both served integral roles in the church ministry. The call was brief and the student’s words were sparse. He was able to tell me there had been a scuffle between his parents, his father became erratic, and for the (insert number) time he physically attacked the student and his mother. I had the responsibility thereafter to call our Pastor and relay to him the information I had received. I suddenly became engulfed in fear. I was going to be the trouble starter. The person who interferes one too many times, and pays the price. The peace maker who put’s himself between the victim and the blade. I was utterly terrified. Only twice in my life have I ever felt like I might vomit from overwhelming emotion. That day I sat in my car, in the Jack-In-the-Box parking lot, hunched over, grabbing two fistful’s of my hair. I began to blink uncontrollably, something I used to do when I was younger when I was nervous or scared. The doctor had said it was because my dad was gone so often, being deployed to various countries, I was grieving the loss. If that’s true, perhaps I was grieving the loss of this students idyllic father. Or maybe I was grieving the loss of my idea of a godly father. The concept that men who manage to fit bible verses into every conversation also have the capability to create permanent physical damage to their spouses was altogether too much to handle. If my family had been ruined outside of church, and this family inside, what hope was left?
The hope came later. Along with new perspectives. They reshaped frequently- cynicism to doubt, doubt to concern, concern to hate, hate to understanding. That first week was a shadow of the of giant that I was to face for the next eleven months. If I had to a analyze God’s actions pragmatically, I would say it appears He has something in the future He wants me ready for, and He’s not wasting time. For some, God creates challenges throughout long spans of time. Fanning the fire steadily, subtly, neatly. For me, there were crashes and bangs, shut down streets, and vast open rooms. It’s as though God said “Listen, if you’re going to accomplish what it is I want you to, you’re gonna have to learn how to deal fast. We don’t have decades to spend growing you. So I’m going to do something a little different this time.”
I can attest to certain biblical knowledge that has no origin other than the assumed revelation from God. People have been inexplicably changed by God through me, even in news of my salvation. I’m not a prophet. And I’m not claiming that God inserted the Bible into my head. What I am saying is that God is preparing each of us, for something. Whatever my path is, wherever it’s leading, it’s happening soon. It involves Scripture, and being able to face adversity. And maybe I’m dead wrong. Maybe crap happens and you just learn to deal, and God wants me to be a History teacher. But, I know He has plans. And those plans are for righteousness. And that’s more than I have ever deserved.

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